My Verbally Abusive Marriage

Oct 18 2011


by Kellie Jo Holly

Over the past couple of years, I’ve written this blog straight from my heart. When I look back over the posts, especially the ones in the beginning, I see errors in my thinking. In many posts, abuse and its effects clouded my thinking; I doubted myself at my strongest, persevered with bad decisions when I was at my weakest.

Last year I began writing a more structured blog at healthyplace.com. I enjoy my blog there, but it is not like this one. Over there, people get the impression that I am an expert on the topic of verbal abuse. Unless they visit this blog, they do not know that my expertise originates from experience, not education. They do not realize that I am but one story in a sea of many.

The biggest difference between my readers (you) and me is that I put the stuff in my head and heart on the screen. I share with you what I’m thinking although I know that I don’t know everything. Every time I write this blog, I realize that next week or next year I may have to humbly reverse my actions, eat my words. Never once have I regretted writing any post or sharing any feeling. I figure you will see something helpful even when I’m wrong. I hope you sense my best intentions are sometimes flawed. I hope you act on your hunches. 

When I blogged during my marriage and early separation, everything was open for discussion. I laid it out there on the line. But since I’ve broken free of that relationship, I began to withdraw a bit. I thought in the back of my mind that I had little left to offer you. Especially when the judge gave primary custody of my children to him. I thought you would be afraid to leave your abuser knowing that it was possible to legally lose custody of your children.

But shit happens. And shit happens for a reason. Even the really crappy stuff happens for a reason.

On top of dealing with my ex during the incommunicado period, I was participating in a relationship drama that I promised myself I would not revisit. Get ready for some spoilers… Continue reading

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